I was hanging out with some Christians today, and the conversation was rambling aimlessly over various topics like a drunken redneck on a 4-wheeler lost somewhere on his 10-acre lot. At some point we started talking about sex. About whether dirty, S&M, gagging-on-shit, electro-waterboarding sex is still okay in the eyes of the Lord if it's with your married spouse. One of them (they were dudes) made the claim that the penis is meant for 2 things: pissing and ejaculating. I said that he was wrong: those are 2 of the things that the penis does, not what it's meant for. A penis can be used for far more than just pissing and ejaculating. He looked at me incredulously and tried to imagine something else the penis might do, “but those are the only things that should come out of it, poop doesn't come out of it, blood shouldn't.”
Right now, I feel like making a brief list of a few more things that a penis can do. Indeed, things that you can “mean” a penis to do. Things that, in the Grand Scheme of things, the penis, it may be argued, may have in fact been “designed” for, given the nature of free will:
You can tie it up into interesting shapes for the amusement of crowds.
The penis can be used to experience orgasm, even without ejaculation.
Apparently there are techniques which allow the penis to be used to encounter raw spiritual experiences.
It can be used to bring sexual pleasure to a woman.
It can be used to bring sexual pleasure to a bro.
It's proportions are used in some cultures to judge social status.
It's form can be replicated in ceramic and displayed tastefully on your night-stand.
It's form can be replicated in silicone and given to a dog to chew on so that you can take pictures of it and post them on facebook to make your friends laugh.
It can be used, with practice and care, to lift heavy objects in a testament to human stamina.
It can be displayed carelessly to communicate your advanced level of easygoingness.
Like the above, you could probably develop a surprisingly complex form of communication with it.
You could use it to stir your yogurt in the morning.
You could use it to explore the depths of pain and humiliation.
Feel free to think of some other things the penis can do, my friends.
I enjoy the view that, for example, a bird does not have wings “so that” it can fly, but rather a bird can fly because, among other things, it has wings; that no form in existence is inherently limited to the uses you can imagine for it. Men do not have a penis so that they can engage in vanilla sex. Rather, that is one thing that the presence of the penis allows. Birds can use their wings for so many other things. Raindrops do more than simply wet the ground. The earth does far more than simply spin and provide a place to stand on. Love does far more than propagate a species. I read somewhere that some scientists thought of 32 different biological actions of the human nose. Another way of looking at this is that a bird (or any form) has wings (or whatever characteristic) “so that” it can do whatever it will with them.
Nothing is merely what it seems to be.
The limits of any particular form largely consist of your thoughts alone.
“God” is a verb.